Brock Wedding

This last week, I was thankful to be able to officiate the wedding of a young couple and the mother of the bride asked if I would post my notes from the wedding. Above you will find the audio and below is a pseudo-transcript. I hope that it blesses you and serves as a reminder in your own marriage. 

Message (1 Peter 3:1-7)

• When God created man he said it is not good for man to be alone. And so he made a woman to be a helper and so before God pronounced all of his creative work done and very good, he instituted the covenant relationship of marriage as an act of his grace. Marriage is a gift to humanity. Marriage is God’s creation for the good and flourishing of human beings. As with all gifts God gives, marriage is to be enjoyed and stewarded. 
• Read 1 Peter 3:1-7: Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. 
• In your marriage you will encounter difficulties. You will run into speedbumps. Things that were once cute will become points of tension. What was once overlooked will become a point of conflict. As we have talked about together, you are marrying a sinner. Someone who will let you down from time to time. Someone who will fail you. Yet, this text reminds us that faithfully stewarding our marriages begins with us. Peter doesn’t tell the wives to fix their husbands or the husbands to fix their wives. Each part gives specific instructions to the wife and the husband separately that focus not on their spouse but on them. How they are to act and conduct themselves to steward the gift God has given. If you each do this, that is focus on your role and responsibility, what happens is the marriage flourishes and becomes all that God intended for it to be even in the midst of brokenness. Obedience to God is the pathway to joy. When you are both seeking to obey God in faith, your marriage will thrive. And the best way you can serve and bless your spouse when things are hard is to remain faithful to obedience to God. Not only when it’s easy but when it’s hard. 
• Peter first addresses wives. In this culture and time it was almost unheard of for wives to be of a different religion than their husbands. But as the gospel went forth, some women had some to faith and become Christians and their husbands hadn’t. So when Peter says wives are to submit to their husbands, it was a different submission than was common in that culture and the reason is the devotion of the wife is first and foremost to Christ. 
  • Respectful and pure conduct. He is saying I know some of you are married to unbelievers and your instinct is to try to pressure them into converting. God’s design is different. It is actually your respectful and pure conduct that God uses to win them and you don’t even have to say a word. Kendyl, you might disagree with Justin in the future and this text is not prohibiting voicing that disagreement. You are called to be a helper. Yet in everything, seek to be an example of respectful and pure conduct. Follow Christ first and let your submission to Christ show in your life and marriage. Don’t underestimate how God can use that in Justin’s life. Don’t underestimate the power of God to use you to change his heart as you joyfully submit to Christ in submitting to Justin with a respectful attitude and pure conduct.
  • Inward attitude. God calls wives to have a hidden inward beauty of the heart and to focus on that. It’s godly character demonstrated in a gentle and quiet spirit. The point is not that it’s wrong to take care of yourself or dress nicely. It’s not a prohibition on makeup. It does speak to the preoccupation with material things. There is something that is hidden from the world that is more beautiful than physical beauty. There is inward beauty. Physical beauty fades. We become less impressive physical specimens with age. What Peter is saying is that the inner beauty does the opposite. It gets more attractive with age and maturity. I’ve marveled at old couples that have been married for 50 years and the husband says she is the most beautiful woman he has ever met. He is captured by the inner beauty. He sees beyond the physical. When beauty comes from the inside it reflects on outward attitudes and actions. In how you behave and treat others. Cultivate the inner beauty and godly character that causes your husband to admire you and bless God that he gave you to him. It is something every Christian woman is to have regardless of personality. It means you are at rest and not restless. Content and not contentious. Forgiving and not vengeful. Joyfully following and not trying to lead. Helping and not hindering. Building up and not tearing down. It is abhorrent how some women talk about their husbands to others. Always look for the good in Justin. 
  • Joyfully follow. Your hope in God is expressed in honoring and submitting to your husband as the sage women of the OT did. It’s described in terms of obedience. This is not like a parent and a child for Justin needs your counsel and help. He will need your wisdom as you navigate life together. It does express that you are to follow your husband’s direction and leadership. You are to support and encourage him. Follow with joy rather than seeking to lead. 
• Next Peter addresses husbands. 
  • Understanding. The idea here is you make it your life’s ambition to get to know and serve your wife. You seek her good and flourishing. You meet her needs. You seek to understand her needs and meet them. You patiently lead in a way that is selfless and not selfish seeking her good above your own. You will discover in increasing measure that men and women are very different and God made us that way. Talking about our wives wanting us to listen at dinner last night. Seek to understand her needs and lovingly serve her. 
  • Show honor as the Weaker vessel. Build her up. Care for her. Bless her. Ask for her opinion. Recognize that God gave her to you as a helper. You need her so honor her as a gift from God to be cherished. She is your standard for beauty now. She is under your care and you are to cultivate an environment and culture in your home and marriage that leads to her flourishing. Honor her in your words… how you speak to your wife matters. Seek to always care for her with your words and to never damage her by what you say or how you say it. You will fail at this so be quick to repent. Honor her by seeking her forgiveness when you wrong her. Honor her with your friends and family. Don’t point our her flaws to others but seek to bless her with how you talk about her. Honor her with your love and affection. Honor her by listening to her and taking care and interest in her. You don’t always have to fix everything. Sometimes she just needs you to listen and assure you of your love for her. Honor her with emotional and sexual fidelity. Honor her by showing affection to her regularly and telling her what you admire about her. 
    • Cups illustration. Seed from Ft. Robinson. 
  • See them as daughters of God. Your leadership and direction as head of your house should always be done with the reality that your wife is a daughter of God forefront in your mind. You are accountable to the king for how you treat her. Now as a father of 4 daughters, I can tell you that if someone ever harms or mistreats my little girls, I have no problem going before a judge and giving an account for what happens next. They are my daughters. They are precious to me. They are under my care, protection and charge. And one day, when they meet a man and get married, I give that responsibility to another man. I place them under his care and protection but I will do that with the confidence that their heavenly father cares for them more than I do. That they are his daughter first if they have believed in Christ. Justin, fiercely protect and care for Kendyl because you are being charged with the care and protection of one of the daughters of the King. That is an honor and a huge burden of responsibility so seek God’s wisdom and guidance. Submit to Christ as you lead your family and do so knowing that you don’t do that alone. God will empower you and help you. He will make up for your deficiencies. Yet do it in a way that you can stand before God one day and give an account for how you led your family without shame. 
  • Prayers not hindered. There is a warning attached. If you don’t care for Kendyl, if you don’t live with her in an understanding way, if you don’t show her honor, if you don’t see her as a daughter of God first, your prayers will be hindered. That’s a sobering reality. God does not hear the prayers of two kinds of people that I have found in Scripture. Unbelievers (unless they are prayers for salvation) and abusive or derelict husbands. So as you lead seek God first. Lead in his grace. Seek to honor God in how you steward your responsibility as a husband. 
• Paul said something similar in Ephesians 5. The point is you are to remain faithful to your vows and your marital obligations as an act of faith and worship of God. You can trust him with the results. You can trust him to do what you cannot do. 
• So with that said, Justin and Kendyl, are you ready to enter into the covenant of marriage? 

    

I Do’s
Do you Justin take this woman Kendyl to be your wife? To enter the covenant of marriage with her. To care for her, protect her, provide for her and love her by the power of God’s grace. To patiently lead her and any children God will bless you with. To humbly promote her flourishing in every area of life. To be faithful to her alone until death parts you?

Do you Kendyl take this man Justin to be your husband? To enter the covenant of marriage with him. He help, support, advise and follow him as he leads in righteousness by the power of God’s grace. To nurture him and any children God will bless you with. To humbly promote his flourishing in every area of life. To be faithful to him alone until death parts you? 

Vows
Marriage is a covenant where you promise to do certain things. These vows are serious promises you are making to one another before God. As you make vows to one another you will notice a few things. 

• Your vows are your vows. When you are tempted to remind your spouse about what they promised today, first ask yourself how you are doing with what you promised? Where do you need to grow in that? Where do you need to seek forgiveness and repent? 
• Second, these vows don’t have an expiration date short of death. When you enter the covenant of marriage, it is entering into a lifelong commitment. That is not to be taken lightly. It’s not something you can just decide you can back out of. When you are pronounced husband and wife in a few moments, I am literally speaking on behalf of God himself and I will say what God has joined together… he is the one who unites people in marriage… let no man separate. That phrase “no man” include the both of you. You must guard this sacred covenant and the vows you make. Your marriage must be protected against other people invading it but it must also be protected against both of you. So these vows are permanent. You are vowing till death parts us which is a long time. The good news is it really is possible to have a sweet, joyful marriage that like a fine wine gets better with age. 
• Finally, you are vowing before God and these people. That means that everyone here should hold you to your vows. If you go to your parents and say “we are struggling I might have made a mistake”, they should respond “God doesn’t make mistakes and he joined you together. You made vows… now go honor those vows”. All of your friends and family are obligated to uphold this union. So particularly parents of the bride and groom, I want to admonish you to honor in every way the creation of this new family that we are witnessing here today and to remind them of their vows and point them back to one another. The same is true for all of the friends here. But you are not only making these vows before the people here, you are making them before God. That adds an entirely new weight to what is about to happen. You are invoking the name of Christ in your vows. That means that he will help you, but it also means that he will hold you accountable. God takes marriage seriously. 

JUSTIN FIRST: In the name of Jesus, I take you Kendyl to be my wife. To have and to hold from this day forward for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow. 

KENDYL: In the name of Jesus, I take you Justin to be my husband. To have and to hold from this day forward for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, forsaking all others, as long as we both shall live. This is my solemn vow. 

Exchange of rings
As a symbol of this union and a constant reminder of their vows, Justin and Kendyl will exchange rings.

JUSTIN: Kendyl, I give you this ring as a symbol of my trust and respect, my love and faithfulness to you. 

KENDYL: Justin, I give you this ring as a symbol of my trust and respect, my love and faithfulness to you. 
    
TOGETHER: These rings now seal the vows of our marriage and will symbolize the purity and endlessness of our love and commitment forever.